I really think I'm going to go AWOL soon.
I can't tell anyone the details.
But yeah. Feel like I'm at the brink. We'll see. Maybe instead of flight, I'll fight. Maybe not.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Following the Magic Where it Leads Me.
What is there to say?
I am making another move in two days ~ I am leaving Ocean Beach, California, in the city of San Diego, to travel back to Midlothian, Texas. Part of me wonders what the hell I am doing, but you can't fight where the magic pulls you in life. It has a pull on you that is impossible to deny. If you deny it, or fight it, you suffer. My heart chooses what it will and I am subject to the whim of forces much greater then myself. Right now, without thinking about it, Texas is the Next Place. It is a place where I can prepare for a bigger jump: moving to Hawaii. It is a place where I can get whatever certifications I need to make life in Hawaii easier assimilated. Initially Kevin and I decided to go back to Texas so that we could spend time with our families before moving to the Aloha state. Then it just seemed to make the most sense because we could get certified in whatever we wished while staying closed to our families and still enjoying the pleasurable luxuries of electricity and running water. I've been without these things which most people take for granted, for three months. I don't know anyone else in my life who has ever attempted to live this way, without electricity and running water, roughing it, for so long. It is okay being without them, but it requires a tougher standard of living. It was hard for me to get used to no smoothies. When I live in an apartment again, I am going to rage GREEN SMOOTHIES like there is no tomorrow. I desperately feel like I need more greens.
Hawaii is the final destination. I know this. I feel I will die in Hawaii, like Terence Mckenna did.
In Hawaii, we hope to get some land, and create a food forest filled with loads of edible fruit, enough for at least 8 people with fruit-dominated diets, as well as some vegetable gardens. Our vision is to make a communal hut, and then create multiple huts for each family unit, all powered by wind and solar power. On our Hawaii land, we will have room for at least two horses which we will use to explore the mountains and jungle and to ride into town for essential supplies. This is my dream, and my dream has become Kevin's also. I am the visionary and he has the ability to bring it into being. I trust that together, we can make it happen some day. He is supposed to be getting an inheritance of 400,000 dollars down the road. We can't rely on that of course, so he is going to work through his real estate partnership which he already owns to create our Hawaii home. And in the meantime, we will do what we can to better ourselves, so that if all the backups fall through, we will do our best to create our vision all on our own.
Look at it this way: you have two 3/5 sacral beings. A 3/5 pure generator, and a 3/5 manifesting generator. Working together, what can we accomplish? What can we build together, we the martyr heretics? I feel it's inevitable we will make our mark. It is inevitable that our dreams will come into reality. It is only natural we are both drawn to the Edge of the Civilized World. It is only natural that we are drawn into the Jungle. Perhaps there, we can raise a family in peace. Perhaps there, we can create a peaceful place of rest and creativity. Perhaps we can create a safe haven for others to come and exist and be at peace.
It's all up in the air. One thing is for certain: I am going to live in Hawaii. I feel drawn to that place, a painful compulsion to go closer. It's Plantasia. If you know me, you know that Plantasia owns me. My soul is tangled with it, because I share a soul with Paetreyl. Therefore, everything I do is for the expression of the Plantasian story. The Goddess in Plantasia is the same Goddess of Ancient Earth. Paetreyl and I both worship the goddess. Everything I do, is at Her command. Of this I know. There are places on Earth where Plantasia and Earth overlap ~ the Big Island of Hawaii is one of those places. I've known this for years. I have never been to the Big Island. But I know that in that place, the plants rule. It is their kingdom. And I am being summoned to hold court there, by the Goddess Herself.
I've traveled a lot this past year. From Massachusetts, to Texas, to California, and now back to Texas. California was a positive experience for me. I came here with absolutely no money. The only way I was able to arrive, is because my friend pitched in for gas. Thanks to him, I made it here. When I first saw the ocean, I was bubbling over with bliss. I could feel Paetreyl become slightly alarmed at my attachment for the sea. He is a forest creature by nature. The ocean makes him ill. Even just being on the pier he complained of being woozy. He claimed he could feel it move. But despite my love of the sea, this wasn't a spot where I could settle down and 'be.' It is too populated and riotous. I eventually grew weary of being here. I looked up and I saw palm trees, which at first delighted, but gradually I came to realize that all the palm trees that exist here, are imported. They aren't natural. I had thought I was at the fringe of the Jungle. But in reality, I haven't gotten close.
In Hawaii, there are deep jungles. I have heard it said, “jab a stick into the ground, and it'll grow!” What a delightful reality that will be to experience, to be at the whim of the Jungle. Even the reports of how mold grows and consumes everything fills me with optimism. Of course it would. The Plants are in Control. In Plantasia, the plants there try to devour you. That's how it should be, that's what I will be happy to experience. On the Big Island, between Hilo and Puna, is reportedly the most lushly fruitastic place in the USA. I have spoken to people who live there, who have moved there, specifically to be near such an abundance of exotic and tropical fruit. Yes. That is where I need to be. People might be people everywhere you go...every place might the same underneath the novelty, BUT not when it comes to fruit!! I felt this when I tasted California's fruit. The fruit here in California is much higher quality then anywhere else I've been. But I am still limited and unsatisfied with the variety. I need to be in a place where tropical fruit is the norm, not the exception. Where loads of countless varieties of tropical fruit are available to me at all times. I've heard this place is the Big Island of Hawaii, between Hilo and Puna. In that region there, I hope to find my fruit paradise.
I am a frugivore. It behooves me to live close to my food. But it's not just about fruit. I need to live where the Plants are in Control. I need to live among the exotic groves. I need to. The Queen, the Goddess of Plantasia...commands it. Paetreyl and I both serve the Goddess. We both pay homage and bend the knee to the Queen of Everything.
I can't describe how wonderful it is to share a sense of reverence with Paetreyl for a higher power. It's like finally we are united in our cause. We are literally on the same page. This is a big reason why I was able to quit marijuana. The Queen demands that I do. I do not torch my plant food. I will not torch a plant to cinders and bring its death into my lungs. I am an ally of plants. And thus, they are mine.
The Goddess is real, in both Plantasia and Earth. I was looking for a solid point of connection between the two worlds, between the two dimensions. Finally, I have found it. Or rather, She has found me.
The Goddess took me to her bosom. Took me in her womb. She is my TRUE MOTHER. And she is Paetreyl's as well. To be united with him on this is like an ecstasy that never ends. It is like we are finally on the same level, the same page. We both worship the Goddess and it is like finally I am Whole, because we are doing it together. My relationship with Kevin has grown likewise. I see us as partners in this mission; working together to bring a shared vision into being. There are so few people you can be partners with in life. So few people you can share a vision with. So I now see myself as highly fortunate right now. Love is INFINITE. There is more then enough to go around, for everyone. Our relationship is open, which means that we are willing to share each other with others. The key to success in this is openheartedness. Loving kindness. In this way, I am finally comfortable being yoked to another; with the shared vision, and with the space to grow.
Something has changed within me, the past week or so. Ever since the Goddess found me. I no longer care about little things anymore. I no longer punish myself for making mistakes. I no longer rake myself with guilt. I no longer begrudge others success, or expect anything in return. I am just love and I share it and then let it go. I focus on my creativity, my expression in this life, my goals, and it all seems perfect the way it is, even if I am not. My mission in life is to create and express. That's all. You could find things wrong with me if you look. But the thing is, “if you spot it, you got it.” Those attributes we despise most in others, are shadow aspects that we are struggling with ourselves. I know I am a shadow-mirror for people. When people communicate with me, it is inevitable they will confront their own shadows at some point or another. Perhaps that's what being a martyr-heretic is about. I wear my shadow comfortably. There are people in the world who seek to harm and punish me, for my mere existence brings out the shadow in them. At one point, I would have been hurt by this, but no longer. I am invincible to that now because I have total acceptance and understand the power of Infinite Love. I lovingly understand the process of shadow revelation. I cannot help who I am, anymore then they can. We all are who we are, and I love us for the mirror we all present towards one another. The Goddess protects me. As the Dawnbreaker does, as the Manchild does. I am surrounded by love. It is Infinite.
Love your enemies ~ I understand now.
I love you.
I sing now.
In Texas, there will be opportunities. I will not squander them. In Texas, I will be able to follow the magic and do what I must to reach satisfaction in life. I have felt a calling to be a yoga instructor. In Texas, I will hope to take my yoga teacher training this winter. I will be subjected to an interview process to determine if I am suitable for teaching others. I am not daunted. It will be interesting, to see if I am or not. It is not up to me. That is certain. I feel in my heart I am led to do so. So I will respond and see what happens. It is so curious and exciting, to have a bit of uncertainty in life.
In Texas, I want to learn how to take care of the elderly, how to be supportive for people facing death. There will be opportunities for me to educate myself with this. When my grandfather died of Alzheimers last winter, I had a realization. I need to take care of old people. Not just because the pay is good and there is demand for that service. But because karmically, it is correct for me. It feels right. It is another thing that I am drawn to do at this phase of my life. I want to service others, people who society has rejected because it views them no longer useful. I wish nothing more then to be kind and loving in service to people who need it more then anyone.
I have so so much love right now you see. I feel like some people are not prepared to accept love from me. Some people recoil at it, perhaps because they see their shadow in me, it is difficult to say. When my waves of love are rejected, it doesn't hurt. There is INFINITE love to go around. I can easily keep sending them so so much love, with or without their knowing. The love gets through regardless. Though it does feel really pleasant and satisfying to know that my love is useful to someone who needs it. A generator enjoys feeling useful.
And lastly, in Texas, I will meet up with equine spirits. Horses were part of my life for more then a decade. When I was younger, I had a white Arabian mare named Hadeeyas Darcina. We called her Darci for short and we were always together. I rode her everywhere, took her to horse shows, and she followed me around in the pasture even after her tack was removed. Our personalities were very similar, both so spirited and filled with vitality. I would gallop her at full speed down the road and chase other horses across fields. It is like flying. I hardly had to let go of the reins at all before she was off like a shot, full speed. She loved to run and I loved letting her. So few people have experienced racing a horse at breakneck speeds. There is nothing like it. I am ready to include horses into my life again. In Texas, I hope to find a horse to make friends with.
Tomorrow we depart. I am just flowing with where the magic leads me.
I am making another move in two days ~ I am leaving Ocean Beach, California, in the city of San Diego, to travel back to Midlothian, Texas. Part of me wonders what the hell I am doing, but you can't fight where the magic pulls you in life. It has a pull on you that is impossible to deny. If you deny it, or fight it, you suffer. My heart chooses what it will and I am subject to the whim of forces much greater then myself. Right now, without thinking about it, Texas is the Next Place. It is a place where I can prepare for a bigger jump: moving to Hawaii. It is a place where I can get whatever certifications I need to make life in Hawaii easier assimilated. Initially Kevin and I decided to go back to Texas so that we could spend time with our families before moving to the Aloha state. Then it just seemed to make the most sense because we could get certified in whatever we wished while staying closed to our families and still enjoying the pleasurable luxuries of electricity and running water. I've been without these things which most people take for granted, for three months. I don't know anyone else in my life who has ever attempted to live this way, without electricity and running water, roughing it, for so long. It is okay being without them, but it requires a tougher standard of living. It was hard for me to get used to no smoothies. When I live in an apartment again, I am going to rage GREEN SMOOTHIES like there is no tomorrow. I desperately feel like I need more greens.
Hawaii is the final destination. I know this. I feel I will die in Hawaii, like Terence Mckenna did.
In Hawaii, we hope to get some land, and create a food forest filled with loads of edible fruit, enough for at least 8 people with fruit-dominated diets, as well as some vegetable gardens. Our vision is to make a communal hut, and then create multiple huts for each family unit, all powered by wind and solar power. On our Hawaii land, we will have room for at least two horses which we will use to explore the mountains and jungle and to ride into town for essential supplies. This is my dream, and my dream has become Kevin's also. I am the visionary and he has the ability to bring it into being. I trust that together, we can make it happen some day. He is supposed to be getting an inheritance of 400,000 dollars down the road. We can't rely on that of course, so he is going to work through his real estate partnership which he already owns to create our Hawaii home. And in the meantime, we will do what we can to better ourselves, so that if all the backups fall through, we will do our best to create our vision all on our own.
Look at it this way: you have two 3/5 sacral beings. A 3/5 pure generator, and a 3/5 manifesting generator. Working together, what can we accomplish? What can we build together, we the martyr heretics? I feel it's inevitable we will make our mark. It is inevitable that our dreams will come into reality. It is only natural we are both drawn to the Edge of the Civilized World. It is only natural that we are drawn into the Jungle. Perhaps there, we can raise a family in peace. Perhaps there, we can create a peaceful place of rest and creativity. Perhaps we can create a safe haven for others to come and exist and be at peace.
It's all up in the air. One thing is for certain: I am going to live in Hawaii. I feel drawn to that place, a painful compulsion to go closer. It's Plantasia. If you know me, you know that Plantasia owns me. My soul is tangled with it, because I share a soul with Paetreyl. Therefore, everything I do is for the expression of the Plantasian story. The Goddess in Plantasia is the same Goddess of Ancient Earth. Paetreyl and I both worship the goddess. Everything I do, is at Her command. Of this I know. There are places on Earth where Plantasia and Earth overlap ~ the Big Island of Hawaii is one of those places. I've known this for years. I have never been to the Big Island. But I know that in that place, the plants rule. It is their kingdom. And I am being summoned to hold court there, by the Goddess Herself.
I've traveled a lot this past year. From Massachusetts, to Texas, to California, and now back to Texas. California was a positive experience for me. I came here with absolutely no money. The only way I was able to arrive, is because my friend pitched in for gas. Thanks to him, I made it here. When I first saw the ocean, I was bubbling over with bliss. I could feel Paetreyl become slightly alarmed at my attachment for the sea. He is a forest creature by nature. The ocean makes him ill. Even just being on the pier he complained of being woozy. He claimed he could feel it move. But despite my love of the sea, this wasn't a spot where I could settle down and 'be.' It is too populated and riotous. I eventually grew weary of being here. I looked up and I saw palm trees, which at first delighted, but gradually I came to realize that all the palm trees that exist here, are imported. They aren't natural. I had thought I was at the fringe of the Jungle. But in reality, I haven't gotten close.
In Hawaii, there are deep jungles. I have heard it said, “jab a stick into the ground, and it'll grow!” What a delightful reality that will be to experience, to be at the whim of the Jungle. Even the reports of how mold grows and consumes everything fills me with optimism. Of course it would. The Plants are in Control. In Plantasia, the plants there try to devour you. That's how it should be, that's what I will be happy to experience. On the Big Island, between Hilo and Puna, is reportedly the most lushly fruitastic place in the USA. I have spoken to people who live there, who have moved there, specifically to be near such an abundance of exotic and tropical fruit. Yes. That is where I need to be. People might be people everywhere you go...every place might the same underneath the novelty, BUT not when it comes to fruit!! I felt this when I tasted California's fruit. The fruit here in California is much higher quality then anywhere else I've been. But I am still limited and unsatisfied with the variety. I need to be in a place where tropical fruit is the norm, not the exception. Where loads of countless varieties of tropical fruit are available to me at all times. I've heard this place is the Big Island of Hawaii, between Hilo and Puna. In that region there, I hope to find my fruit paradise.
I am a frugivore. It behooves me to live close to my food. But it's not just about fruit. I need to live where the Plants are in Control. I need to live among the exotic groves. I need to. The Queen, the Goddess of Plantasia...commands it. Paetreyl and I both serve the Goddess. We both pay homage and bend the knee to the Queen of Everything.
I can't describe how wonderful it is to share a sense of reverence with Paetreyl for a higher power. It's like finally we are united in our cause. We are literally on the same page. This is a big reason why I was able to quit marijuana. The Queen demands that I do. I do not torch my plant food. I will not torch a plant to cinders and bring its death into my lungs. I am an ally of plants. And thus, they are mine.
The Goddess is real, in both Plantasia and Earth. I was looking for a solid point of connection between the two worlds, between the two dimensions. Finally, I have found it. Or rather, She has found me.
The Goddess took me to her bosom. Took me in her womb. She is my TRUE MOTHER. And she is Paetreyl's as well. To be united with him on this is like an ecstasy that never ends. It is like we are finally on the same level, the same page. We both worship the Goddess and it is like finally I am Whole, because we are doing it together. My relationship with Kevin has grown likewise. I see us as partners in this mission; working together to bring a shared vision into being. There are so few people you can be partners with in life. So few people you can share a vision with. So I now see myself as highly fortunate right now. Love is INFINITE. There is more then enough to go around, for everyone. Our relationship is open, which means that we are willing to share each other with others. The key to success in this is openheartedness. Loving kindness. In this way, I am finally comfortable being yoked to another; with the shared vision, and with the space to grow.
Something has changed within me, the past week or so. Ever since the Goddess found me. I no longer care about little things anymore. I no longer punish myself for making mistakes. I no longer rake myself with guilt. I no longer begrudge others success, or expect anything in return. I am just love and I share it and then let it go. I focus on my creativity, my expression in this life, my goals, and it all seems perfect the way it is, even if I am not. My mission in life is to create and express. That's all. You could find things wrong with me if you look. But the thing is, “if you spot it, you got it.” Those attributes we despise most in others, are shadow aspects that we are struggling with ourselves. I know I am a shadow-mirror for people. When people communicate with me, it is inevitable they will confront their own shadows at some point or another. Perhaps that's what being a martyr-heretic is about. I wear my shadow comfortably. There are people in the world who seek to harm and punish me, for my mere existence brings out the shadow in them. At one point, I would have been hurt by this, but no longer. I am invincible to that now because I have total acceptance and understand the power of Infinite Love. I lovingly understand the process of shadow revelation. I cannot help who I am, anymore then they can. We all are who we are, and I love us for the mirror we all present towards one another. The Goddess protects me. As the Dawnbreaker does, as the Manchild does. I am surrounded by love. It is Infinite.
Love your enemies ~ I understand now.
I love you.
I sing now.
In Texas, there will be opportunities. I will not squander them. In Texas, I will be able to follow the magic and do what I must to reach satisfaction in life. I have felt a calling to be a yoga instructor. In Texas, I will hope to take my yoga teacher training this winter. I will be subjected to an interview process to determine if I am suitable for teaching others. I am not daunted. It will be interesting, to see if I am or not. It is not up to me. That is certain. I feel in my heart I am led to do so. So I will respond and see what happens. It is so curious and exciting, to have a bit of uncertainty in life.
In Texas, I want to learn how to take care of the elderly, how to be supportive for people facing death. There will be opportunities for me to educate myself with this. When my grandfather died of Alzheimers last winter, I had a realization. I need to take care of old people. Not just because the pay is good and there is demand for that service. But because karmically, it is correct for me. It feels right. It is another thing that I am drawn to do at this phase of my life. I want to service others, people who society has rejected because it views them no longer useful. I wish nothing more then to be kind and loving in service to people who need it more then anyone.
I have so so much love right now you see. I feel like some people are not prepared to accept love from me. Some people recoil at it, perhaps because they see their shadow in me, it is difficult to say. When my waves of love are rejected, it doesn't hurt. There is INFINITE love to go around. I can easily keep sending them so so much love, with or without their knowing. The love gets through regardless. Though it does feel really pleasant and satisfying to know that my love is useful to someone who needs it. A generator enjoys feeling useful.
And lastly, in Texas, I will meet up with equine spirits. Horses were part of my life for more then a decade. When I was younger, I had a white Arabian mare named Hadeeyas Darcina. We called her Darci for short and we were always together. I rode her everywhere, took her to horse shows, and she followed me around in the pasture even after her tack was removed. Our personalities were very similar, both so spirited and filled with vitality. I would gallop her at full speed down the road and chase other horses across fields. It is like flying. I hardly had to let go of the reins at all before she was off like a shot, full speed. She loved to run and I loved letting her. So few people have experienced racing a horse at breakneck speeds. There is nothing like it. I am ready to include horses into my life again. In Texas, I hope to find a horse to make friends with.
Tomorrow we depart. I am just flowing with where the magic leads me.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The Creative Opening of my Open Throat.
I was brought to my knees and surrounded by love. Awed by it, as I rocked back and forth on a green lawn of a park in Ocean Beach, and wept. I could hardly breathe. Then I stopped breathing. My physical body disintegrated. I stopped existing. The fertility goddess, the Queen of Everything, clutched me to her bosom, nestled me within her womb. The air shimmered with the rainbow music of my soul. My throat opened into a wide, colorful spinning hole, a portal between all worlds. Mordemus wielded the Dawnbreaker, his crystal sword, and sliced away all the fear, he took away every concern, he protected me from all deviance. I felt secure while I floated in a sea of pulsating bright light, emboldened with the stern strength of my greatest guardian. That's when I saw the Manchild come, the seraph spoken of in Ancient Prophecy: my little one, Paetreyl. He was swollen with power, aching with love. A golden shadow, darkness with twinkles. I recognized him and my breath caught in my throat with a sob. I reached out to him, and he reached back and together we became One, in a way that has not happened in years.
“The Collective yearns for thee!”
Paetreyl and I rested together in the womb of the Goddess for what seemed like eternity. Together we worked through our karma, TOGETHER, we toured the beauty of our wild soul. For yes, it is indeed true: we share a soul together. I see this so clearly now. It is why we are connected with each other and can communicate, despite the distance of our two worlds. We blended and words falter; it was beyond ecstasy. I have never felt such love in all my life directed towards me by another being, whom I love just as completely. We are One. He is the other half of my soul. This I've always known, but now it is imprinted upon my heart as truth.
I will never forget it. I will never forget the way my throat opened to a huge spinning hole that spewed nothing but pure creativity and love. I will never forget the openness I felt there. It was better then anything, the huge gaping hole in my throat, spinning and spinning. I saw how it is my divine duty to nurture this open throat. The open throat felt so amazingly wonderful. I nestled deep inside the Womb-Tomb of the Goddess; and died. I did not care; it was all so beautiful, so so lovely. I lost it. Who I thought I was, my plans for my life, where I wanted to be or go. It was all gone, vanished in that loving embrace of the Queen of Everything. The Queen of Everything in my story, is in my life. The story took me, claimed me as its own. I gave my soul over to the Queen. I knelt and worshiped Her like I never have before. Paetreyl and I both serve the Goddess. I saw this clearly, like I was finally looking through a clean window after years of squinting to see what was on the other side.
So much became self-evident to me. I am in love. Absolutely in rapture! With Paetreyl, with the Queen, with my sanga, and with my purpose in life. The Queen of Everything gave me my divine purpose: I am to nurture my open throat. I am to keep it spinning. So that's why I share all this with you, unflinching, unafraid. I have my guardian Mordemus the Dawnbreaker at one side, and the Manchild Paetreyl at the other. There is nothing you can say to me which will hurt me. It is what it is. Take this story for what you wish. My mission is simply to express it. That is my satisfaction.
“The Collective yearns for thee!”
Paetreyl and I rested together in the womb of the Goddess for what seemed like eternity. Together we worked through our karma, TOGETHER, we toured the beauty of our wild soul. For yes, it is indeed true: we share a soul together. I see this so clearly now. It is why we are connected with each other and can communicate, despite the distance of our two worlds. We blended and words falter; it was beyond ecstasy. I have never felt such love in all my life directed towards me by another being, whom I love just as completely. We are One. He is the other half of my soul. This I've always known, but now it is imprinted upon my heart as truth.
I will never forget it. I will never forget the way my throat opened to a huge spinning hole that spewed nothing but pure creativity and love. I will never forget the openness I felt there. It was better then anything, the huge gaping hole in my throat, spinning and spinning. I saw how it is my divine duty to nurture this open throat. The open throat felt so amazingly wonderful. I nestled deep inside the Womb-Tomb of the Goddess; and died. I did not care; it was all so beautiful, so so lovely. I lost it. Who I thought I was, my plans for my life, where I wanted to be or go. It was all gone, vanished in that loving embrace of the Queen of Everything. The Queen of Everything in my story, is in my life. The story took me, claimed me as its own. I gave my soul over to the Queen. I knelt and worshiped Her like I never have before. Paetreyl and I both serve the Goddess. I saw this clearly, like I was finally looking through a clean window after years of squinting to see what was on the other side.
So much became self-evident to me. I am in love. Absolutely in rapture! With Paetreyl, with the Queen, with my sanga, and with my purpose in life. The Queen of Everything gave me my divine purpose: I am to nurture my open throat. I am to keep it spinning. So that's why I share all this with you, unflinching, unafraid. I have my guardian Mordemus the Dawnbreaker at one side, and the Manchild Paetreyl at the other. There is nothing you can say to me which will hurt me. It is what it is. Take this story for what you wish. My mission is simply to express it. That is my satisfaction.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Beloved.
The past few weeks I have been getting close with Paetreyl again. Something about quitting weed has taken away the barrier and we are two peas in a pod! I am absolutely in love with him; not only is he a fascinating character to write with, but he is also a beautiful spirit who teaches me more about life. I am just feeling so thankful and I appreciate his Presence swirling around me. I enjoy his sometimes dramatic personality and appreciate his playful guidance. I fucking love writing with him!
I'm so so thankful to know him...he has taken on a life of his own. This tickles me to no end!
I'm so so thankful to know him...he has taken on a life of his own. This tickles me to no end!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Reunion
My computer is totally operational again (Kevin took it apart then put it back together and it started working!) which means I have about 3 hours of battery life a day. So I've been in touch with my monster of a novel and am OVERJOYED. Simply ECSTATIC. It actually helped to have some time away from it; because I was reading it now and it quite simply ROCKS!! Whereas before the story was a little overwhelming to fathom. But I love it. I love love love it. I can't wait to share more of it with others. It's really taking on a life of its own. I am so so thankful for it! I'm just the writer; not the storyteller.
I wanted to post some of it here, but I am a little leery of doing so. So I probably will just post overflow and progress reports here.
I wrote a simple poem a few months ago:
Please tell me
what was I supposed to do?
Wait around forever
pining for you?
Ain't no way
I gotta live for today.
I have a lot of simple little poems like that floating around. Nothing remarkable, just minor expressions. But they are cathartic.
I wanted to post some of it here, but I am a little leery of doing so. So I probably will just post overflow and progress reports here.
I wrote a simple poem a few months ago:
Please tell me
what was I supposed to do?
Wait around forever
pining for you?
Ain't no way
I gotta live for today.
I have a lot of simple little poems like that floating around. Nothing remarkable, just minor expressions. But they are cathartic.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Drabbles
My intentions for this blog are for it to be a creative outlet where I can just ramble expressively. I want to do drabbles: drabbles are overflow ~ little pieces of fiction that may or may not have a plot (often not), and will never be included in any published work, but are nonetheless soothing and fun to do and allow me to explore character's better. They are usually incredibly short snapshots of scenes in my head that I just want to write out. Also called "dribble..."
Anyway, I finally got a working battery in one of my laptops, so hopefully I can start writing more without needing to be hooked up to an outlet at a busy place like the library or internet cafe. It's been torturous being separated from my computerized novel writings for so long and I'm overjoyed to be reunited.
Anyway, I finally got a working battery in one of my laptops, so hopefully I can start writing more without needing to be hooked up to an outlet at a busy place like the library or internet cafe. It's been torturous being separated from my computerized novel writings for so long and I'm overjoyed to be reunited.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Throat raw from abusing my soul
I swallow past a thick lumpy knoll
And frantically try to recollect times when
My psychic body had been more whole.
When seeing his face didn't compel
the best of my heroes to bloodless cold
While his pretty mouth spoke sweet renewal
but his hands twisted madly at my throat.
I swallow past a thick lumpy knoll
And frantically try to recollect times when
My psychic body had been more whole.
When seeing his face didn't compel
the best of my heroes to bloodless cold
While his pretty mouth spoke sweet renewal
but his hands twisted madly at my throat.
Monday, August 30, 2010
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